In this guide, we will show you everything you need to know about how to accept a compliment, so keep reading!
Below you can find out 5 different methods to accept a compliment,
- Method 1 – How To Accept A Compliment, Give One In Return & What Mistakes To Avoid
- Method 2 – How To Accept Compliments And Why It’s So Hard
- Method 3 – How To Take A Compliment
- Method 4 – How To Take A Compliment | John K. Bates
- Method 5 – How To Accept A Compliment
Method 1 – How To Accept A Compliment, Give One In Return & What Mistakes To Avoid
Note – This section will be updated soon.
Method 2 – How To Accept Compliments And Why It’s So Hard
So imagine this situation you get up in the morning you take a shower you if youre man you shave. If youre woman maybe you put on your makeup you spend all morning making your hair look good picking the. Perfect outfit dressing up picking the perfect shoes putting yourself all together so you look great spending a lot of. Time in front of the mirror so you look great you go out into the world you get to the.
Office and someone says to you hey you look great today what a great outfit youre looking great what do. You say you say oh no no no no this this thing no no i just know i dont look. So good at all i just i just threw all this together so why do we do that why do. We have such a hard time accepting compliments in this video im gonna talk to you about how to accept. The compliment graciously and im also gonna talk about why its so hard to accept the compliment and why were.
So tempted to actually refuse compliments and deny them and deflect them im bruce lambert from how communication works calm. This is a channel where i teach you about communication skills so that you can improve your relationships and succeed. At work and be more confident lets get started on the surface our response to compliments seems really puzzling because. People are saying something nice to us why dont we just accept it why dont we just say thank you. In fact i think ill preview the the end of the video i think the most gracious way to respond.
To a compliment is simply by saying thank you thank you or thats very kind of you to say something. Like that thats the most gracious way to accept the compliment why is it so hard for us to do. That we can imagine that when people say mean things about us when people criticize us that would be really. Difficult like responding to criticism is is i think really hard and we can understand why its really hard its. Directly face threatening and our identity is at stake people are being mean to us thats hard but why when.
People are being kind to us saying nice things about us why do we have such difficulty then thats what. This video is about and i think theres one main reason why compliments are so difficult to respond to and. This comes from the work of communication scholar at the university of albany named anita pomerance who years ago wrote. A paper about compliment responses which im basing this video on so anita pomerance says that when we respond to. A compliment were stuck because there are two competing goals that were faced with and these are contradictory goals on.
The one hand compliments are a kind of offer that demands the source structurally and ordinarily demands an agreement so. When people make us offers or invitations we tend to be theres social pressure on us to agree so thats. The one goal agree with a kind of positive offer than a compliment as a kind of offer so theres. Pressure to agree but then theres a contradictory and competing goal which is do not engage in self praise or. Do not be immodest or conceited or arrogant so these two things run directly into each other on the one.
Hand theres a structural preference for agreement that is theres social pressure to agree to an offer like a compliment. And then theres this other social pressure not to engage in self praise so what are we going to do. This is what makes responding to compliments so hard because we want to agree and we want to avoid self. Praise and we dont know how to do both at the same time so as a result we get all. These unusual forms of responses to compliments and im gonna put transcripts from from anita pomerance this article up on.
The screen so we can look at some of these typical responses to compliments so one of the first other. Than the thank you very much which i think is the most gracious way of responding to a compliment just. Say thank you very kind of you to say etc we get these unusual responses as people try to respond. To the two simultaneous pressures that compliments put us under so lets go to the the screen right now and. Well look at a couple of these transcripts one of the first ways that people choose to respond to compliments.
And to respond to these two competing pressure is to do what pomerance calls a praise downgrade that is somebody. Praises us for something and then we repeat the praise but in a more modest way this is a way. Of accepting the compliment but showing people that we dont want to engage in too much self praise so by. Downgrading the thing that people are are complimenting its about so if we look on the screen here some examples. The first person says ive been offered a full scholarship at berkeley in ucla and the second person says thats.
Fantastic so theres the compliment and the second person says oh isnt that good so they downgrade the praise from. Thats fantastic that isnt that good so this shows modesty and a reluctance to engage in self praise and the. Second example oh it was just beautiful well thank you i thought it was quite nice so someone gives the. First compliment oh it was just beautiful in regard to a performance or something and then the person receiving the. Compliment says well thank you so they actually accept the compliment i thought it was quite nice so we go.
From beautiful to quite nice this is a praise downgrade and it shows that were accepting the compliment but we. Are also dramatizing that were unwilling to to engage in too much self praise by downgrading the the compliment to. It to a lesser form of compliment another common way of responding to this double bind pressure that compliments put. Us in is simply to disagree even though theres structural preference for agreement to offers like compliments sometimes the norm. Against self praise is so strong that we just wont agree with a compliment and ill put up some transcripts.
On the screen now that we can look at to see examples of this so the first person says gee. Hon you look nice in that dress and the response the recipient says do you really think so its just. A rag my sister gave me i think this is one of the most common ways that we respond to. Compliments about the way we look is again – to disagree and to denigrate the thing thats been praised and. This is a way of showing our humility theres another example you did a great job cleaning up the house.
Well i guess you havent seen the kids room so someone wants to compliment us for cleaning up the house. And then we disagree and say well we really didnt do a very good job at all you didnt see. This other room that i didnt clean so these are disagreements and you see these all the time if youre. Under one have you ever wondered why we are doing this its because we feel the pressure not to engage. In self praise or conceit or arrogance or something like that yet another strategy we use to avoid engaging in.
Self praise is to change the reference of the compliment to something other than ourselves so someone compliments us and. Then we shift the focus to something other than us and this is again a way of dramatizing our modesty. And our reluctance to engage in self praise so im going to put an example up on the screen right. Now lets have a look at it so the first person r says youre a good rower honey and jay. Says well these are very easy to row very light so they shift the reference from themself as a good.
Rower to the fact that its really about the boat its not about the rower so this is shifting the. Reference as a way of dramatizing our modesty and our reluctance to engage in self praise heres another example this. Is in reference to a tapestry thats been woven by the the person receiving the compliments of the speaker first. Speaker says thats beautiful isnt that nice yeah it really is and the recipient of the compliment says it was. Itself once it was set up this is a way of shifting the reference from our self to other to.
Dramatize our modesty and one final way that we respond to compliments is but its another way of shifting the. Reference is we just return the compliment so someone compliments us and rather than accepting the compliment or disagreeing we. Simply return the compliment in kind so lets look at the screen now well show you a couple of examples. Of this so heres the first one you sound real nice and the recipient says yeah you sound real good. Too theres a simple return of the confluent or someone says youre looking good the purse is great so are.
You these are just returns of kaabah their ways of shifting the reference from self to something other than self. They dramatize modesty they allow us to obey this social constraint against self praise and they solve that problem for. Us so those are some examples of why compliments are so difficult to respond to they put us in a. Jam between being forced to agree with someone who makes us a generous offer like a compliment and being forced. Not to engage in self praise were put in a double bind hence the awkwardness many of us feel when.
Were trying to respond respond to a compliment so each of these gives you some options if you struggle on. How to respond to a compliment you can shift the reference you can engage in this downgrade of the praise. When someone says something is totally wonderful you say oh its very nice or you can return the compliment those. Are three basic strategies or you can disagree say oh no this old thing those are strategies i think from. The point of view of being gracious the best way to accept the compliment is simply to say thank you.
And i sometimes will say something i thank you very kind of you to say so so this is a. Slight shifting of the reference back to the other person as well its different from returning the compliment or i. Guess it is returning the compliment in another way but that tends to be the pattern that i try to. Use when someone complements me and say thank you very much and this allows me to accept that and also. Increases my confidence and feeling good about myself and then i say something like very kind of you to say.
So which shifts the reference back a little bit so thats my advice about accepting compliments i hope you enjoyed. This video if you do go on over to how communication works com sign up for our mailing list check. Out our one-on-one coaching offer download our ebook about empathy and to read up all the other blog entries about. Politeness and face saving and persuasion all these other topics that weve written about on the blog thanks so much. For watching well catch you next time.
Method 3 – How To Take A Compliment
Do you know how to take a compliment i want you to watch this quick video because im going to. Show you how to take compliments really well in a way that doesnt make you feel awkward its also going. To make the person who gave you the compliment feel good about giving you the compliment and its also going. To mean that youre going to get more compliments throughout your life im ben alexander from the legends academy we.
Are the number one success education for men and we help them with their confidence dating and relationships and financial. Freedom now the reason im telling you about this about compliments today is because i had a question from one. Of my clients whos in my private mastermind group is actually over in auckland new zealand and the question was. How do i take a compliment hed received some nice compliments or of some women and he kind of got. Awkward about and kind of laughed it off and he didnt really know what to do and if this happens.
To you then this is what you need to do now when people give you compliments theyre actually really putting. Themselves out there okay like you know to put yourself out there and say you had a girl youre attracted. To you might say oh hey you know youre think youre really pretty or youve got beautiful eyes or something. Like that youre kind of putting yourself out there because she could turn around and say oh dont say that. Or she could say oh i dont like you that way so youre actually kind of putting yourself on the.
Line by giving someone a compliment and so i want you to really consider that when someone does give you. A compliment youve got to really appreciate the fact that theyre putting themselves out there to do that now i. Used to suck at taking compliments and part of the reason for that and this might be the same for. You is i didnt used to think i was entitled to have a compliment i didnt feel i deserved it. I didnt feel like you know the person was being serious i thought they might just be messing with me.
And something like that but that was actually my own issue and it wasnt to do with the people that. Were giving me the compliment and so i actually had to learn to do it and when i was taught. How to take compliments this is what i was taught so the first thing was what i just told you. Is people are putting themselves out there when they give you a compliment so youve got to really respect that. And be grateful for the fact that theyre doing that in order for you to feel good the second thing.
That you want to do is you actually want to accept the compliment okay so accept the compliment so its. Very easy to do that you say oh well thank you thats very kind of you to say that okay. And then you the next thing you want to do is you want to praise it so i kind of. Did that in the step to there you say oh thank you for saying that or that means a lot. For you to say that to me so lets go through that again one appreciate the fact that they put.
Themselves out there to give you that compliment – you want to like take the conduit on like receive the. Compliment and say oh thank you alright and then youve actually taken it on and then it rewards that person. For putting it out then you can even go further and say oh look thank you so much that means. A lot for you to say that or oh well thats really kind of you to do something like that. And thats actually going to reward the person for doing it and its going to start you yourself becoming the.
Sort of person whos used to taking and receiving compliments from other people now sometimes and if its appropriate you. Can even go one step further and you can actually return the compliment to them so if it was appropriate. Maybe they said ill look im really having a great conversation with you and if youre enjoying the conversation too. You could return that compliment so yeah im actually really enjoying talking to you as well all right and then. That way its a two-way thing and its like a mutual respect and understanding and a mutual appreciation of each.
Other and its just going to really cement that relationship in that bond and so once you get better at. Taking compliments youll find that you know because in order to take a complan you have to kind of let. People love you or show you that theyre interested in you or show you that they appreciate you and so. You actually get better at that over time as you start to become better at receiving compliments and when you. Start to carry yourself that way and communicate from that place youll find that people actually compliment you a lot.
More so look i hope youve loved this video today if you do know and you want to have more. Videos and more information like this one today and where to go to our channel make sure you subscribe theres. A little button just down there you can do that also i want you to again subscribe to the channel. Because youll get these videos first before everyone else so hope you love this today please like and share if. You think someone else could use this message i look forward to seeing you in the next video and remember.
To stay legendary out there you.
Method 4 – How To Take A Compliment | John K. Bates
So let me begin with two questions how many of you want to make a difference for other people right. Why as i expected now how many of you if youre looking at youre going to be really honest or. A little bit awkward when it comes to accepting compliments so its interesting because accepting compliments is really scary for. People we might owe the person something we might look egotistical we might look weak so were built to brush.
Them off and pass them away and not let them in and im going to say that its not just. Compliments but compliments is the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the whole arena of letting contribution in. Letting people make a difference for us so if you notice that equation doesnt balance out so in the spirit. Of ted i invite you to join me in what i call the compliment experiment so find a brief genuine. Compliment that you could give me and im going to ask you to give me that compliment but quietly in.
Your mind okay so dont say it when i count to three give me that compliment just quietly all right. You ready 123 nothing so its an experiment notice how you feel right now were going to do it again. Because its an experiment so get that complement up get it ready to go again when i counted three quietly. People sometimes might shout out okay give me that compliment thank you i really appreciate that so now what was. That like for you a little different huh how many like the second way better yeah thats what its like.
For people so the counterintuitive point that i want to illuminate today is that you can actually be one of. The most generous people in the world by simply graciously accepting compliments and contribution because we all want to make. A difference so this week here ted and further on if youre inspired i invite you to give a few. More compliments than you otherwise might have and to generously graciously say thank you and let the compliments and contribution. That comes your way in because now you know how to accept the compliment ok.
Method 5 – How To Accept A Compliment
In this video were going to be talking about how to accept a compliment and right now youre saying steven. Thats a really strange topic to discuss on a drumming channel but as musicians and really as people in general. Accepting compliments is something we have to do on a daily basis so we should learn how to do it. Well dont worry im gonna break it down into three easy steps the other day i was backstage after a.
Gig but gig had gone well we were playing with an artist and i was approached by a musician i. Didnt even know was in the audience and i really respected this guy he came up to me and one. Of the other band members specifically to tell us how great he thought the show was he went on and. On saying how great it sounded it was better than the album cut i mean he was really saying some. Flattering and nice stuff and then it got weird because the other band member standing beside me all of a.
Sudden started saying things like oh you must have been listening to another guy too which said musicians and no. No no it was you i couldnt have been me i didnt get enough sleep last night i just i. I know it didnt sound good no seriously man you guys sounded great no im not telling the truth were. You obviously werent here for that third song no the third song was great and i was all like instead. Of accepting the compliment the musician had turned it into this point where this guy was trying to argue with.
Him about how we really did think he did a good job and i guarantee you that guy ill think. Twice before giving him a compliment again now this is something my dad taught me i didnt even really know. He was teaching it to me my dad was a pastor he traveled a line so we were constantly around. People and i was getting compliments oh what a well-behaved boy oh you look so great you know those things. You say to a kid and i specifically remember my dad looking down at me and saying say thank you.
Now this might seem like a small thing but i didnt want to say think i was a little embarrassed. That i got the compliment and really know what to do it wasnt until later in life that i began. Doing the self degradation thing oh not really didnt sound that good oh you must have been listening to somebody. Else this would have been like my dad leaning down and going okay now they just gave you a compliment. I want you to tell them how you punched your brother yesterday pulled your sisters hair and then stole candy.
From the store then theyll think twice about giving you a compliment buddy did do that he just said say. Thank you years ago a musician that i really respect gave me a compliment i started my whole self degradation. Routine because i thought that made me seem humble whereas really i was just rejecting their compliment and he smiled. And he put his hand on my shoulder and he just said hey man you need to learn to take. A compliment and so from that day forward i started doing what my dad had told me to do as.
A 6 7 year old kid i said thank you so ive got three small steps that will get you. Feeling good about accepting compliments because come on were musicians we dont go searching for praise and compliments but when. They come its one of the highest forms of praise that we can get from another musician that we respect. For them to take the time out of their day and come up to us and tell us we did. A good job dont turn it into an awkward situation where were arguing back and forth just do this step.
One acknowledge the compliment i really appreciate you saying step two stay thank you thank you step three tell them. How much it means to you it means a lot to me that you would say that so when we. Put them all together it sounds a little something like this man i appreciate that thank you it means a. Lot to me that you would take the time to say that and there instead of self degradation we have. Now very humbly accepted the compliment and they feel good you feel good you can go about your day without.
Having a weird situation argument just making everything weird but dont just apply this in drumming really just apply it. Anywhere in your life hopefully those three steps will help you the next time you get a compliment about well. Anything in life if youre looking to take your drumming at that next level and want an organized methodical way. To do that jump over the website see what all membership has to offer be sure and download the free. Lesson 30 days the better doubles the link is right below this video as well jump over to facebook instagram.
Or twitter and hang out with me there tune back in sunday for a quick drum lesson but regardless of. What you do ill see you here in the next video.
Conclusion – How To Accept A Compliment
The purpose of this post is to assist people who wish to learn more about the following – how to accept a compliment professionally (plus handle inappropriate compliments), how to gracefully respond to a compliment, how to accept compliments & love yourself!, how to accept a compliment | vocabulary & british intonation, how to accept a compliment, how to accept a compliment from a woman (for men only), ‘how to accept a compliment’, how to accept a compliment | do’s and don’ts, why do i feel uncomfortable when someone compliments me? | chronic illness therapist, how to accept a compliment, how to accept a compliment – real women real success, how to accept compliments, how to accept a compliment, how to accept a compliment graciously without feeling guilt or embarrassment, what to say when girls give you compliments?.
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