In this guide, we will show you everything you need to know about how to accept an apology when you are still mad, so keep reading!
Below you can find out 5 different methods to accept an apology when you are still mad,
- Method 1 – 3 Ways To Respond To An Apology Besides “It’S Okay”
- Method 2 – A Perfect Apology In Three Steps | Jahan Kalantar | Tedxsydney
- Method 3 – What To Do When Someone Doesn’T Accept Your Apology
- Method 4 – 3 Narcissist Apology Types With Examples: And Why You Shouldn’t Trust Any Of Them!
- Method 5 – What Happens When You Apologize To A Narcissist?
Method 1 – 3 Ways To Respond To An Apology Besides “It’S Okay”
Note – This section will be updated soon.
Method 2 – A Perfect Apology In Three Steps | Jahan Kalantar | Tedxsydney
You would think that saying sorry would get easier the older we become as children we like the words to. Describe how we feel inside but it doesnt in fact as adults we now have two problems one we never. Learn to say sorry properly and two were anxious about doing so and thats completely understandable we live in a. Very complex world and we all yearn for simplicity basically we favor emojis or emotions but sometimes you cant afford.
To not show how sorry you are sometimes everything is on the line im a criminal defense lawyer i stand. Beside people on one of the hardest days of their life im their ally im their friend im their advocate. But im also their guilt im their blame im their shame i am with them when they are the most. Vulnerable they will ever be and trust me being vulnerable is terrifying but through vulnerability we can access our authentic. Voice and when we do so magic happens in the abstract im talking about clearer vision less miscommunication better outcomes.
But in the practical in my world im talking about the difference between going to jail and going home the. Difference between seeing your children twice a year or twice a week and those disputes that can be resolved and. Those that will last a lifetime you see people are more than happy to sacrifice their voice to mine because. My voice has had the benefit of formal training and experience but im here to tell you that thats a. Mistake nobody not the court not my mom wants an apology from jehan ko lanta they want to hear your.
Apology with all of its flaws and imperfections so the best apology that ive ever heard was from a 20. Year old shot for the name sam who didnt finish formal education when sam came into my practice you could. Tell that he was a good kid in a lot of trouble he understood what he did wrong but explaining. It it was like pulling teeth so what we asked him to do is a letter of apology this is. A wonderful piece of evidence that the court considers when sentencing you it lets them know the kind of person.
You are and that you understand that youve done the wrong thing on the day of sentencing sam arrives he. Hands me the letter its barely a paragraph long and ill read it to you as it sounded in my. Head all those years ago your majestic forgive my nefarious consternation its okay if it doesnt make sense ive read. A lot of apologies its gobbledygook but i remember looking at sam and i said sam what is this what. Have you written and i felt bad cuz your lawyer does have favorites but he explained it to me he.
Said jehan i dont like english very much i got bullied at school i was called stupid thats why i. Dropped out but i wanted the judge to know how sorry i was so what i did was i got. A dictionary and if thesaurus i found the word that i felt like sad and then i found the fancy. Version it took me eight hours to write that letter but i wanted the judge to know i was sorry. That is authenticity that is vulnerability that you cannot fake any young man who spends eight hours doing something he.
Hates because he wants to show how sorry he is gets it and its different from the cf im sorry. You feel that way that seems to be flying around and counting for an apology so what goes into a. Good apology theres a framework you can always use it goes why because and always start with why youre sorry. Sorry i couldnt make it to your tedx talk jehan move to the because because i know you worked very. Hard on it and finished with an end and if you ever give another tedx talk ill be there good.
Apology very misconceived but a good apology but this framework can help us whenever we need it lets look at. The other side lets talk about gratitude i was acting for a young man once he was polite and respectful. And very different to how the police factsheet seemed to describe him on the 19 question this young man while. Studying for his final high school examinations had a breakdown he grabbed a knife and attacked his family he drank. Laundry detergent he destroyed property and ultimately made some very serious threats when i met him you could tell that.
This young man did not need a lecture he needed help and sometimes being a lawyer means helping outside of. The courtroom as well so it took a great deal of advocacy but we managed to convince this young man. And his family who had very strong views about mental health to seek help and he rose to the challenge. He got the help he needed he involved this school he involved his friends and finally when it came time. For sentencing the judge who read all of the evidence including a beautifully written letter from this young man which.
Described the pain inside like a hurricane he didnt know could he could control past sentence he thanks this young. Man thank you young man by taking control of your mental health issues i know youve given yourself the best. Chance to get ahead and i know youll do great things and the court was right that young man has. Gone on to do great things and the reason i believe is because the court took a chance and was. Vulnerable with him in plain english without any legalese so whats the lesson thats learnt in a lifetime of helping.
People in moments of chaos well when you say sorry mean it look people in the eye use the framework. Dont be afraid to say sorry because youre too busy looking for the perfect words and when you say thank. You mean it look people in the eyes dont be afraid to say kind words because life is very hard. And people dont hear kind words nearly often enough and the next time you make a mistake or you need. To thank someone for something dont be afraid to be vulnerable and authentic because the power of any message is.
How honest a place it starts its journey not how many times it gets censored by a lawyer and so. I want to thank all of you today for giving me the opportunity to speak to you because ive been. Allowed to share something that means a great deal to me and i promise that if you ever use my. Framework it will help you even in your very own tedx talk why because and thank you.
Method 3 – What To Do When Someone Doesn’T Accept Your Apology
So you messed up and you gotta say im sorry the problem is the other person theyre not having it. Stick around to learn what you can do when youre apologizing but the other person theyre not ready to accept. It hey yall im dr. Allison im a licensed clinical psychologist and if you are a regular here on my.
Channel then you know that ive made it my life mission to simplify psychology to help you live a healthier. And more meaningful life and part of the reality of being a human unfortunately is that we mess up we. Hurt people and we do things that we have to apologize for is not fun its not pleasant but it. Happens so have you ever been in a situation where you do that you mess up and you say im. Sorry you apologize to the other person and then theyre not ready to accept your apology they say no no.
Thanks not having it see you later have you ever wondered like what am i supposed to do now what. Do i do in this situation today im gonna share a couple of things that are really important in that. Situation the first thing is stay steady in your apology and dont take it back i cant tell you how. Many times ive seen or heard this happen where someone says im sorry the other person says i dont accept. Your apology and the other and you basically say like well i wasnt sorry anyway okay were not third graders.
On a playground right when someone doesnt accept your apology i get it it stings and and you kind of. Your stunts avoid that knee-jerk reaction of taking the apology back stay steady and leave the apology out there the. Second thing is dont get defensive apologizing is very vulnerable right because youre approaching that apology and that person kind. Of putting yourself out there sticking your neck up there and acknowledging your wrongdoing so when someone doesnt accept your. Apology you often feel rejected hurt disappointed so i want you to sit with those emotions right dont flip them.
Into anger or frustration and then get defensive acknowledge those feelings for what they are you feel hurt rejected disappointed. Confused caught off guard you feel stuck whatever acknowledged those emotions dont turn them around and get defensive that will. Not help your case the next thing thats so important is give them some space back off a little bit. You know the phrase if at first you dont succeed try try again that does not apply in this situation. At least not right away if youve apologized and theyre not ready to hear it or accept your apology respect.
Their space back off and give them some time whatever you did in the first place that prompted the apology. That was bad enough right dont make it worse by disrespecting their wishes and ignoring their need for space put. The apology out there stick with it dont get defensive and then give them some space to process and absorb. And think through that dont get all up in their space okay back off a little bit the next thing. Is show them your apology with your actions that phrase that your parents probably said over and over as a.
Kid actions speak louder than words that applies here whatever it is that youre apologizing for show them that youre. Sorry by working on or correcting those actions so if youve been more irritable with your partner and you snapped. At them and youre apologizing for that but theyre not hearing it stick with it and show them be more. Patient be more kind be more thoughtful in your communications if you havent been checking on a friend and you. Been a little too into yourself and they acknowledge that it hurt it hurt their feelings and theyre not ready.
To accept your apology be consistent right continue to show up for them dont just talk about it do it. Actions speak louder than words so if theyre not hearing or taking your verbal apology continue to show them through. The way you interact that you are working to do things differently and the last thing revisit the issue right. So if youve done those four things if youve you know stuck with the apology you havent gotten defenses youve. Given them their space youve shown them with actions if a little bit of time has passed plus those previous.
Acts shens revisit the issue see how the relationship feels if it still feels like theres tension or awkwardness or. Something needs some repair revisit the issue acknowledge hey i know i apologized once and i know we kind of. Talked about this but i just want to let you know i know its been some time im still really. Sorry about that i know i didnt carry my load on that project i know it resulted in you having. To do a lot more im really sorry i know i said it once but i just wanted to make.
Sure you know that even after this time that apology still stands by doing this you are acknowledging you really. Get it because youre not just apologizing once youre doing all those things we talked about but youre revisiting the. Issue often after that time the person is a little bit more ready to hear your apology hurting somebodys feelings. Or not showing up for them messing up whatever yall that sucks but youre not alone thats a part of. Being a human apologize and if the person isnt ready to accept it try these things theyre not instant fixes.
But i think youre gonna find they go a long way in repairing whatever happened thank you so much for. Watching this today if you like this video please give it a little thumbs up because that helps me know. What you want more of here on my channel and of course if youre not already subscribed hit the subscribe. Button because then youll be the first person to know about videos alright leave comments or questions below and ill. Be happy to answer them ok have an awesome day buh-bye.
Method 4 – 3 Narcissist Apology Types With Examples: And Why You Shouldn’t Trust Any Of Them!
In my last video seven things narcissists say to excuse their bad behavior one of those things was actually a. Form of fake apology and a lot of you reached out in the comments to let me know that you. Could relate that you have heard that fake apology many many times before and that got me thinking because that. Is actually just one of three types of fake apologies that you might hear from the narcissist and in todays.
Video were going to cover each of those fake apologies with examples and then were gonna put each of them. To the test as we explore the four components of a sincere apology and you can definitely use this information. To help you spot a fake apology in the future so if youre ready lets get to it welcome to. The comedy go community my name is christina and on this channel we explore narcissistic abuse its connection with spirituality. And we attempt to answer the question where do we go from here and if that all sounds good to.
You be sure youre subscribed so you dont miss a thing and if you are already subscribed to welcome back. And i want to thank you so much im filming this today on monday so the day before it airs. And as of right now we have eleven thousand subscribers of this community and i might be a little biased. But this community in my opinion is one of the most supportive communities around and i want to thank you. For being a part of that okay so lets jump straight into these fake apologies the first and probably most.
Common apology that youll get from a narcissist or another emotionally abusive person is the faux paula g and i. Am sure youve gotten at least one of these in your past so the pope ology is im sorry youre. Feeling bad im sorry youre hurt im sorry my words hurt your feelings this make no mistake about it this. Is not an actual apology theyre apologizing for something that they dont own which is your feelings so essentially those. Words they mean nothing theres second type of fake apology that you might get from a narcissist or another emotionally.
Abusive person is the im sorry but im sorry but its all your fault im sorry i yelled if you. Didnt press me i wouldnt have done it im sorry i lied but i knew you were gonna overreact anyway. Im sorry i cheated but you werent giving me enough attention im sorry but and the third type of fake. Apology you might get is the bold-faced lie and now this one is not super common with narcissists its more. Common with the covert type than the overtype it does happen them especially when the narcissist is desperate but it.
Is also common with other emotionally abusive people so you may have been in the situation like this before and. The bold-faced lie looks almost identical to a real apology and this is why it is so so dangerous and. Damaging it looks like an apology it probably feels like an apology and especially if youre in the trauma bond. Even if you know this persons full of it on some level you know this because of the trauma bonds. You may have difficulty making a rational decision when it comes to this person so youre going to have this.
Internal struggle thats going on as this person is lying to you and as youre wanting to believe all the. Things that theyre saying this version of a nurses apology is really damaging because it makes you think one that. Theyre actually sorry two that theyre acknowledging that they did something wrong three they know theyve hurt your feelings and. They care about it and for that because theyve apologized you can put this behind you from here you can. Go on and have a healthy functioning relationship but of course we know that none of these things are true.
But theres one thing you should know when a narcissist does offer one of these fake apologies what theyre really. Saying is im sorry im not getting what i want and im gonna say these words because i know if. I do theres a better chance im gonna get what i want really all these fake apologies its just a. Form of manipulation okay so now were going to put each of these apologies to the test with the four. Components of a genuine sincere apology now a genuine from zero ecology will always have these four components even if.
They arent verbalized theyll always be there so the four components are recognition responsibility remorse and repair lets get into. Each one of them and put those apologies to the test the first one is recognition that is recognizing that. Theyve done something wrong and as you might have guessed that first apology really falls short the narcissist or the. Other emotionally abusive person theyre not taking responsibility for anything really theyre trying to make it seem like they are. But theyre really not and its very its actually very clear that theyre not the foe paula jie is when.
Theyre saying im sorry youre hurt im sorry my words hurt you things of that nature and now theres something. I want to say about that phil paula jie because i dont want anyone getting confused in thinking that something. Sincere is actually a faux paula gee so we may say things that sound like the apology we may actually. Even use the same words im sorry youre hurting we may say that in an instance where say for example. Somebody lost a loved one im sorry youre hurting and its sincere im really sorry but the difference between the.
Two is that youve done nothing wrong when youre saying im sorry for your hurt feelings im sorry youre feeling. Really bad and really youre not taking responsibility for anything because you dont have anything to take responsibility for in. The case of the full paula g its different there is something very clear to take responsibility for and the. Person is not taking responsibility for it they are boldly and blaming not taking responsibility for it okay so thats. Recognition the next component of a sincere apology is responsibility taking responsibility for the action so first you recognize it.
Then you take responsibility for it so im sorry i did this i shouldnt have done it or now i. See how that was hurtful or why that was hurtful seeking responsibility for the action owning it so this is. Where that im sorry but apology falls short that person is recognizing the bad behavior in the im sorry but. Apology but theyre not taking responsibility for it so they recognize they did something wrong im sorry i yelled at. You im sorry i cheated but it was all your fault or but it was somebody elses fault or but.
It was you know alcohol or whatever its anyone elses fault but the narcissist or but though or the other. Emotionally abusive person so that is responsibility when you are truly sorry you take responsibility for what happened and for. Your actions and for your role number three is a little bit hard to pin down but number three is. Remorse does this person actually seem sorry do their words seem genuine or is there an emptiness to it the. Fourth component of a sincere apology is repaired well my daughter was a little bit younger she used to watch.
Daniel tiger and they had an episode an apology that was actually really good and there was a song in. It that way saying im sorry is the first step then how can i help so im sorry i did. This how can i fix it how can i make it better so if theres anything that you can do. If youre truly sorry for something if you make somebody feel bad you might try to make them feel better. You might ask them how you could make them feel better or you might do something to to make them.
Feel better in the moment but as part of this its not just making them feel better in the moment. Its also following through and avoiding that behavior in the future so somebody who is not really sorry can say. Im sorry and then send flowers or do something nice to make you feel good in the moment but if. They could if they continued the bad behavior then they were never really sorry the first place and that is. Very clear i think thats one of the most important lessons that ive learned through this experience is that if.
Somebody hurts you continually and you tell them this thing youre doing hurts me and they do it again whether. They apologize or not and they do it again and they do it again theyre doing it on purpose they. May not be out to get you they may not theyre their motivation as but the narcissist their motivation is. Probably very selfish they just want what they want they dont care if it hurts you but theyre still doing. It intentionally theyre doing it knowing that it hurts you and not caring that it hurts you which means that.
They were never sorry in the first place so those are the components of a real and genuine apology and. I hope you find them helpful in helping you differentiate a real apology from a fake one because especially after. An emotionally abusive relationship it can be very difficult to know whats what and it can be even more difficult. To trust anyone ever again so if you found this video helpful please let me know by hitting that like. Button and if you want to see more like it go ahead and subscribe and ill see you next time.
Method 5 – What Happens When You Apologize To A Narcissist?
Hi everyone its dr romney welcome back to this youtube channel on all things related to narcissism narcissistic relationships and. Any kind of toxic human interaction you can imagine so today were going to take on that good old topic. Of forgiveness ive often talked about it you know what i always say if you forgive them theyre just going. To do it again its a big its a big its a big issue but were going to take it.
On from a different angle today and thats going to be can the narcissists themselves forgive you a little bit. Of a twist this one came in from a lot of you sending in this suggestion as always your suggestions. Matter to me and i take them in before we get into this topic though of whether narcissists can forgive. As always im going to welcome you to please subscribe to this channel hit that subscribe button go ahead hit. That bell if you want to get notifications and if you like this video toss me a little love give.
Me that like button but only if you like it not that you dont have to do anything unless its. Authentic to you but lets take on this topic can narcissists forgive this is a strange video and even as. I was developing it and thinking on it its an interesting one for me you know given that narcissist and. The way yes its often presented here and in the literature theyre so often the bad guy right theyre so. Often the transgressor the perpetrator is it really even worth asking the question if they can forgive you better believe.
It is yes absolutely listen im the first one to say and all of you need to reflect on this. None of us are perfect it cant be 100 of the time that the narcissist is wrong and were always. Right and all of them were always suffering life doesnt work that way like we got to own and we. Got to take our responsibility on what we do sometimes we do screw up in any number of ways listen. Lets think about it maybe you were the one who cheated on the narcissist maybe you were the one who.
Lied to the narcissist or gave them the wrong information or crashed to their car or it was your it. Was your leaving late that made them late to an appointment or missed a flight can be issues big or. Small and there are also relational issues that can come up with a narcissist a long-term relationship that you have. With a narcissist can result in unhealthy communication not just by them but also by you listen after years in. A toxic narcissistic relationship it is very easy to fall into unhealthy communication patterns like passive aggressive comments getting in.
Your dig because you know theyre not listening half the time anyhow we do know however that a non-narcissistic person. A healthier person will be more likely to take responsibility for their own behavior than a narcissist would so a. Healthy person may be more likely to cop to their own behavior and that means taking responsibility taking ownership telling. The narcissist in your life whether thats your partner or a family member or a co-worker whomever it is that. You did wrong by them so you tell them hey i screwed up this was my fault what happens next.
Are they going to forgive you probably not why not but you want to know so many reasons first of. All lets take the dynamic apart their unwillingness to forgive can be particularly angering because on average they have likely. Perpetrated more bad things far more difficult behavior in the relationship than you have and it is quite likely that. You have often throughout the relationship either completely forgiven them or at the very least you let it go made. An excuse moved on so when you are the one who makes a mistake it can feel very unsettling that.
Theyre not willing to extend the same courtesy to you so the bigger question is why dont they why cant. They do what you gave them well you know why you can imagine why first of all all narcissists when. They feel wronged in some way either have the mindset of vindication or victimhood listen again theyre wronged its vindication. Or victimhood and its often both basically their stances the world is out to get me so i im going. To punish the world now with that mindset you can see how forgiveness is not going to be on the.
Menu for a narcissist grievances are a way of life for them and while they will hold almost no memories. For all the good things that you have done for them their memory is prodigious for remembering everything you have. Done wrong its quite significant how well they can remember all those bad things that they seem to have put. In a special vault in their brain now remember also that a key dynamic in narcissistic relationships is power and. Control instead of intimacy and empathy their connections are characterized by dominance and intimidation as ways of keeping someone close.
So when you do something in the relationship that isnt all right it gives them something with which to manipulate. You and control you so instead of forgiving you for it they will more likely hold it over you lord. It over you sometimes for over 50 years theyll say things like remember that time in 1972 when you da. Da da da or remember that time during our family vacation when you first learned to drive in the car. And remember all those things you did and remember that time at our wedding and they will bring up those.
Events and play upon that vulnerability of yours which is guilt the narcissist may even play upon the idea of. Sort of pseudo forgiving you but basically just hold all of your mistakes over your head forever so thats not. Really forgiving you they just sort of make a notation in their ledger of grievances and then gain even more. Control in the relationship by playing on your guilt and if you are prone to that kind of manipulation it. May be exactly what keeps you around because even many years later you may feel guilty about the bad things.
You once did and interestingly its really interesting the same technique does not work for the narcissist if you bring. Up th.
Conclusion – How To Accept An Apology When You Are Still Mad
The purpose of this post is to assist people who wish to learn more about the following – how to apologize, when a man disappoints you, do this…, what to do if someone refuses to accept your apology; you said you’re sorry, now what?, how to accept the apology you never received, 5 manipulative apologies: how many have you heard? #sorrynotsorry, when someone refuses to accept your apology, how to apologize to a guy & get him to crave you!, how to forgive someone when they are not sorry! | stephanie lyn coaching, 4 steps to a great apology, how to say sorry for hurting someone you love, how to spot an emotionally manipulative apology, apologizing to women & what’s advanced game, best replies to sorry | useful expressions and phrases to accept an apology | english speaking, how do i forgive someone who refuses to say sorry?, skillopedia – how to apologize the right way? (improve your personality and become confident).
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